2019 Starling Sturn 29"

You've opened this ad because you know that this is a custom made all-steel high single-pivot 29” downhill monster truck powered by a single speed jack drive sporting a 500mm reach, 63 degree head tube angle, and 1397mm wheelbase. The beautiful pictures make you realize that your life and fate itself have come crashing together, are you ready to make the most important decision of your life?

It comes equipped with the legendary 2020 Fox 49 factory setup at 200mm of travel, and a 2020 DHX2 putting out 190mm of travel in the rear, however now that you've looked closer, you noticed that this isn't actually a bicycle at all; it is the weapon of mass destruction that the Bush administration failed to find during Operation Iraqi Freedom in 2001. Saddam may have purchased a large quantity of aluminum tubes, but the CIA had no idea they were actually looking for a British man purchasing Reynolds 853 chromoly tubing who would hand-craft them into the weapon before you with nothing more than his TiG welder, a blowtorch, and a CNC machine.

You may be asking yourself that if this thing is made of steel, won’t it flex? Yes, of course it flexes but not like Michael Cera after a night of drinking. No this bike flexes like Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime. This is no Kindergarten Cop, this bike is the Terminator and Conan the Destroyer. The sight of this bike is your visit to Rekall, you suddenly remember that you are Douglas Quaid, secret agent of shredding from Mars who was sent to this planet to dominate every trail you come across.

This thing is so god damn fast people will see you ride past and wonder how many cc’s that bike has as they choke on the cloud of dust and loam you've just blown into their respiratory system.

Every Dentist and Corporate yuppie on their 10k Yeti sb165 they have never bottomed out will look at you in awe as the vision of divorcing their wives and abandoning their beloved children who they already ignore flashes before their eyes. So they too may have this machine mounted onto the back of their 1997 Ford F-250 with a Power Stroke diesel. Traveling to every shuttle spot their two tanks of fuel will let them reach as they crush every Strava time on every trail. Yet they no longer care about Strava, because time is but a faint memory when trees pass by like stars during a jump to light speed. But the wonderful buzz of the Sturn’s hub has faded and reality comes crashing back as they look down on the dials of the GRIP2 on their Pistachio 38 and wonder how they work and whether or not they should buy the rainbow Eewings to match the rest of the oil slick decals that cover their weak carbon frame.

It’s fully kitted out with top of the line Fox suspension, burly EX511’s laced to Hope SS Trials Hubs and DH casing Schwalbe Magic Mary’s because this fucker only goes down, the way our god Gravity wills it to be.
This bad boy sports 3 chainrings of varying size made by Profile with matching cranks Made of stainless steel because it’s the only material a man can trust with confidence at such speed.

In the cockpit you don’t need to worry about any silly shit like gears because this jack-drive Missile only goes downhill fast enough that you feel like Chuck Yeager in the cockpit of an experimental rocket plane breaking the sound barrier for the first time in 1947.

You’ve got a set of Deity Supracrush grips attached to a carbon Deity Speedway bar to hold onto for dear life and at your fingertips you have the only brakes capable of stopping this bat out of hell, the Shimano Saints, designed by Jesus Christ himself and filled with mineral oil blessed by holy-men of every major religion.

Yes, there is some shuttle rub on it and even a few scratches on the paint, but that doesn’t matter because it just lets that beautiful stainless steel out to taste that fresh loam you’re shredding at break neck speeds.
After upgrading both of my collar bones to stainless steel and 4 maintenance overhauls on my shoulders, I think I’m going to be taking a break from the more gnarly downhill stuff and it would be a shame if the fine machine sat without a pilot.

You may ask me whatever questions you like about this, and I will entertain reasonable offers of gold or silver coin.

I have included pictures of it when new for vanity sake, and at time of purchase I will fully service your new steed before handing it off to you, the proud owner of this masterpiece.